I spent the week keeping myself busy with one project after another. I could have been a poster child for ADD, bouncing from one task to the next. Alright, I admit that’s not so out of the norm for me, but this week it was due to a desperate attempt to squelch the pain. You know, that sort of tingling and burning feeling in the pit of your stomach, A.K.A. “anxiety.” Every time I felt it come up, I shoved it so far down that by the end of the week I could hardly fit my feet into my shoes.
You see, I didn’t just “step out of the box” with this one. I latched myself onto a giant bungee cord and allowed the universe to catapult me into another world. This other world being, RADIO.
A few weeks back I was contacted by Deborah, proprietress of DreamVisions 7 Radio. She is in the process of building a network, and somehow she found her way to my doorstep. Comical. At least that’s what I thought. How could I,
a woman who becomes a deer in the headlights in front of a video camera,
a woman who only allows her picture to be taken by people under the age of 10,
a woman (still me I’m talking about here) who needs at least an hour to record her voice mail message, because she thinks she sounds like one of Willy Wonka’s Umpa Loompas,
possibly be a radio show host?! Yea, as I said- comical. I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know. This is not really something I ever saw myself doing.”
However Deborah persists. Perhaps she sees some Sallie Jessie Raphael in me? Or Delialiah? I don’t see it, but somehow Deborah has a mysterious way of making me feel safe, and comfortable. “O.K., let’s talk about it. I’m not saying yes, but I’m not saying no either.” She probably already knows that I am going to say yes, she’s got the intuition thing going on. And to be honest, I think I probably already know that I am going to say yes too. I had Eleanor’s quote, “Do something every day that scares you” playing in the back of my mind, as loudly as my next door neighbor's relentlessly barking dog.
So I accept the challenge. Now let’s fast forward to the scary part. No, it’s not signing the contract, or creating the promo. And it’s not telling people I know that I’m going to be hosting a radio show. That was scary, yes. But the real scary part, was getting out of the shower.
Stepping out of the shower, you are now likely wondering? Yup, stepping out of the shower was the scariest part. This is because I knew that everything I did, from that point forward, would be in preparation for my show. MY SHOW! MY RADIO SHOW! Holy $%#@! Yes, I did say that word. I was suddenly overcome with nausea.
I quickly moved into self-analytical mode. I needed to determine why I was feeling this way! Was this a good fear, or a bad one? Did this serve me? Or hurt me? Was I experiencing this just because I was out of my comfort zone? Or had I been nonsensical, and moved out of alignment with my values? Aaaaahhhhh. Do I have any TUMS?
Yeeeesssss! O.K., that’s a little better. Now back to the big question, why? And then suddenly, I realized that I didn’t need to know why. This was one of those times when it was right to just go with the flow. I couldn’t go around it. I couldn’t go over it. And I couldn’t go under it. There was just one way- I had to go through it!
Well, obviously I lived to tell the tale. The radio show was alright. My best work in fact (O.K., so it was my only work, but who needs to know that minute detail?!) The outpouring of love and support from my family, friends and colleagues was nothing short of overwhelming, despite the fact that I was secretly harboring fears that they would criticize me.
I still don’t know why I am here, posing as a radio show host, or where this will lead me. Those silly little details will work themselves out. I will keep you posted. In the meantime, I will have my 3 year old nephew join me at the studio for one of my shows, so he can take my picture. Now I’m off to the pharmacy to stock up on TUMS. My next show is only a few days away…
